Movement

On Thanksgiving Day I felt it. I was lying on the couch, enjoying a quiet chat with my fisherman when I felt a tiny twisting sensation. It was too familiar to ignore and I felt dazed with the wonder of getting to experience it all over again. The baby moved!

Do Not Go Off!

I learned my lesson. Do not go off medication without checking with your doctor. I was worried about my beta blocker being a "C" class drug and affecting the baby. I quit taking it about a week ago. At the doctor's office, I had a blood pressure reading of about 160/110. Not a smooth move on my part, obviously. I was impressed with how quickly the office responded to my call and called in a new script. I even got to talk to the doctor personally which I rarely get to do at other offices. Note to self: behave.

Calling Ralph on the Big White Phone

I really hate that I take a med that squelches my immune system. I am feeling so much better than I did earlier, though. Ralph-o-rama is what I've decided to name the thing that kept me bending over the loo part of the morning and all afternoon. My poor husband is having post traumatic stress disorder over the whole thing. I really hope that he doesn't get sick. I really hope that noone else here gets sick, either. Thank God it is over for now.

Vomit, Heartburn & Exhaustion...O My!

Well. That's a deep subject, I know. We are expecting again. I am happy about that. I even enjoy the exhaustion because it affirms my general condition. I am not really enjoying the wobbly feeling in my head when I move too fast or the a.m. vomiting sessions. Heartburn is a constant companion and I'd really prefer to go it alone. My numbers are holding, I hope. I feel normal, for my condition.

A conversation with a four year old about God's hearing

Mark: How many brothers do you have?
Me: I have two.
Mark: Just two brothers?
Me: No, I have two brothers and two sisters
Mark: Yeah, five is enough.
Me: Yeah. We have two girls and a boy, do you think that is enough?
Mark: Hmmm. I always thought that four was a good number (he's four right now, so it's his favorite number)
Me: Yeah, me too.
Mark: I want a brother.
Me: Well, you'll have to talk to God about that one.
Mark: He just heard us!

My Not Mine

Lord,

Your Word says this:

Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:14-16 NIV


What do I do? I say prayers in isolation or even corporately, rarely touching the sick person. Not even using oils. More importantly, Lord...where is my faith? Where is my confession? Make me a righteous woman Lord. Forgive me for my unforgiveness. Forgive me for holding a grudge against someone I should love. Thank You for taking my sleep tonight. I needed this time with you. Thank You for the children. Thank you for the neighbors and their sweet ways. Thank You that the dog is safe at home and not killed because of some really good neighbors. Thank You for the written Word that saves me from complete and utter lunacy. Thank You for cake, darling teens, helpful aging women, pragmatic men, humorous friends and the day's end!

Thank you, Holy Spirit, for reminding me not to fly off the handle today on more than one occasion. You saved me from embarassment and from harassing another mother in the carpool line. You saved me from aggravating a store clerk and a whole slew of people at a store today. You saved me from losing a dear friend by angrily pointing out her faults and the fault of her child.

Thank You for the air conditioning and the fans. Thank You for indoor plumbing and good medicine. Thank You for my body, no matter how it may or may not work. It is in Your perfect plan. You are Right and I am right in Your Hand. You are in control of all of my functions. You can heal my body of every disfunction. My thyroid can be healed. Completely. My periods can become normal again. My hair and skin can grow at a normal rate and be unblemished. My eyes can be untarnished by wool spots. My back can be straight as an arrow. My body can be free of pain. My ankle can be strong and unbending. My heart can be right with You.

My is not mine...it is Yours. I am Yours to do with what you please. What you please is that I stay in relationship with You and lead as many people to You as I can before I'm gone from this earth. Sick or well, healed or infirmed, pregnant or barren...I am Yours for Your holy purpose. Selah.

the thing about meds

O.K. So I have been following doctor's orders, right? And I have been doing my best to eat right, or right enough for me. I'm going along, minding my own business and feeling on top of the world because of the awesome changes going on in my world when I am blindsided by myself. How could I have been so poised and in control one moment and so out of control the next? Why do I embarass myself and others so much when a few tsh points drop? This is utterly amazing to me.

Calling the doc tomorrow. Something just ain't right and I can't rest easy to we fix it. Or at least address it.

chronic corner

I recently reconnected with a discovery about myself. I have been the sick kid. I had a surgery by the age of six. I was in a wheelchair for part of elementary school. I had casts and crutches. I had a back brace. I had braces on my teeth, too. I thought I was leaving all of that behind in my junior year when I no longer had to wear a back brace. Then I was diagnosed with Grave's disease.
Suddenly, I was the sick kid all over again. I had three doctors. I took daily medication. I went in for monthly lab appointments. I had special circumstances. I was treated like the sick person, too. My friends knew that I wasn't going to retain information they relayed. My children knew that I was going to go ballistic on them for small things. My husband realized that he couldn't expect too much from me. All of this being ill has formed an identity for me. I don't know how people view me. I hardly know how I view myself. Still, I am a girl who gets sick. There are times when it plays a more active role. I have certainly been to the dark place and back again. But right now, life is good. My kids are thriving. My husband is steady as a rock. The window is rolled down and the wind is blowing in my hair.