Sew glad

Sometimes I just want to do something new. I put pressure on myself to do something because others around me are doing them. I just want to do something to prove to myself that I can do it. I have been having those kinds of experiences lately. And I think in the midst of such an activity, why am I doing this? An example would be in the pillow top that I "needed" to sew together. Once sewn, I knew I would not be happy with it. The truth is that it is now filed under done vs. guilt until done. Or why did I feel the need to volunteer myself to help with the huge project under way at the church this season? How did I get myself into this mess?

Becoming aware of the motives that I have in actions that I take has been huge. Why do I feel the need to send out over 100 christmas cards? Will everyone just suddenly revolt if I stop? Will the world come to an end if I don't give out the full size snicker bars at Halloween this year? I don't have the answers to those questions, but I'd be willing to bet that it doesn't really matter. Most of things that I stress about are just trivial and have their root in other subliminal fear that I don't want to name.

Take, for instance, the fear that my son is carrying around my genetic anomalies. I hate that for him. I hate it for my oldest child. I didn't mean to pass it on. I didn't even know that I could. The mommy guilt could eat me alive on this one. The good news is that it has abated for my mom since she has stopped thinking it was due to lead paint exposure during her pregnancy.

But I digress. The point is that I have taken up sewing. I am going to sew whatever I want whenever I can get a moment. I am doing it because I want to do it. I am doing it because I have caught the bug. You know, the bug that we catch when we find a new crafty thing to do. And sewing will outlive me if I construct it with quality materials. And there is another reason I do things...to be remembered.